My 26-year-old son, Jacob, a previous high school football player, looked at me last night after wrestling my massive tree, up from the basement yet again. For at least the 6th year in a row since he left home and got married, he reminded me again, “Mom, this is the last year.” I chuckled and smiled at him, “Duly noted.” I have promised him for the last few years it would be the last. We’ve discussed not needing all this room for three people and selling our home. But… anyway, we haven’t made it there just yet. He looked at his cousin, my 17-year-old nephew, who came to help this year and warned, “Dyl, I am passing this torch on to you. Every year your aunt will need you”. This is the same “eyes popping wide, jaw-dropping” nephew, who upon seeing my decorated tree in all its glory when he was much younger, declared that I had the best-decorated tree. He went around telling the entire family that my tree was #1. My sister said he could not stop talking about it. Beaming, I began teasing the other family members and it’s become a long-standing reminder to all. I send him a picture every year or post and tag him on Facebook. So… maybe he is meant to be the successor.
We live in a large, 3 story, older Victorian home. I believe we have the 12-foot ceilings. So, for our main Christmas tree, if we put up a standard, 6-foot tree, it would look like Charlie Brown’s tree. Can I get a “wah, wah, wah”? That would be completely unacceptable. So one year I hit the jackpot and found a massive, 12-foot tree of my dreams, on the Marketplace, for a reasonable price. And so, it began.
I don’t know about you, but it’s not visions of sugar plums dancing in my head. It’s a bucket list dream of strolling down Central Park at Christmas time. The festive, shiny, Macy store windows must leave you feeling beyond blissful even among those freezing temperatures. And remember the winter wonderland Buddy made in Elf? That’s what dreams are made of! I don’t believe everything in the movies. However, Santa Clause, Elf, and Kevin in Home Alone can’t all be wrong. New York surely is the place to be in December. One day I’m going. But this year again, I will need to do all I can to recreate a tiny version of this joy-filled atmosphere that leaves behind not one of the five senses.
I’ve read all kinds of creative, heartfelt reminders about reflecting on “lasts” concerning your kids. One day it will be the last time they do any number of things from the time they are babies until they leave home. Things we will surely miss dearly. I remember sitting in my son’s room with him the night before he got married. We went back and forth with “I love you more than…” each trying to outdo the other, one more time. I love you more than every grain of sand. etc.
Most recently, I’ve been reliving some of the “lasts” through his two littles, my sweet grandbabies. Their baby stage has flown by possibly even faster than my own children.
But last night it was the familiar, yearly declaration of my son that caught my attention. He may believe I only need him here for the tree. I can’t deny I need his help. If he doesn’t come, it just probably won’t happen. He knows that would make his mom sad. But to me, it’s about him coming home. He is just across town. He visits often and I adore his little family. I hit the jackpot with my daughter-in-law. Truly it’s always been like we added a second daughter. My two grandbabies leave me without enough words to declare how wonderful they are. I am beyond happy at the life he has made and the roles he has embraced as a husband and a daddy. But occasionally in December, showing up to carry a monstrous Christmas tree, he’s all mine again for a few moments. My son, saying it’s his last time for this tree business and me secretly cringing a tiny bit. Because really it has little to do with the tree. It is about so much more for this mama’s heart! So again, I’m holding on tight to the possibility that it was the “last” time for the tree, or maybe not.
Hoping you find a place, in my space. ♥
2 Comments
Thank you for sharing!
This one brought me to tears Missy!!! Thank you for sharing ❤️❤️